How to spot a village bred Belle in Kampala

Kampala life is fast and furious. Life in the village dull and dreary. It is a dream of every village slay  queen tired of dull and dreary village life to come to Kampala to enjoy a fast and furious life at least once in her life time hoping to dust up the rural lives, accents, dreams and luckily finding loved ones to spice their lives. But hey! this is how to easily pick out a woman who landed in the city from Kiryandongo, Nakasongola or any other village!

Endless selfies
When Nakakawa lands from Kyamuliibwa, she probably doesn’t even know how to operate a smart phone. Remember she has a keen eye and is a fast learner!! Within a few months, she will be dating a loaded guy who will donate her a Samsung galaxy.From then, her life will be like depending on social media where she would even mistakenly post bedroom photos.

Singing wrong words off key
After a few days in town, she will soon be introduced by her college mates to a club in downtown where she will attend all jam sessions before she starts dating five men at a time. Unfortunately, she is so used to singing along to music while dancing and you can only pray that the speakers are not turned off, otherwise everyone will hear her singing the wrong words off key.

Carrying hanky to a date
The ideal village date is by the riverside or at a maize plantation where she will spend half of her time doodling with her big toe and avoiding eye contact with guy. When she lands in the city, she tries settle for a boy who can afford chips and sausage. On her first date, she will show up in some shiny tight dress top, laughing sheepishly to a man’s jokes as she toys with the white handkerchief substituted for a clutch bag.

Lies about where she stays
After leaving Kyanamukaka, she just wants to live in Kampala, not knowing that the city is divided into Muyenga and Bwaise. After realising that cool girls from Muyenga have better chances of dating loaded men, she wants to be like them. She will never allow you to drop her home, lest you find out that she puts up in a mzigo at the Katanga slum!!

She likes Shisha
Namiiro has never tasted even alcohol, after copying up with Kampala night life, she is initiated to Sminoff and gets so wasted that she wakes up next to a hairy-chested man whose name she has no clue. Time comes when sminoffs no longer takes her high enough, so she switches to some vodka and whisky before she finally upgrades to champagne and creamy liquor. This is where she starts thinking that smoking is fancy, starts choking on a cig’s filter then after Shisha.

From Rubber shoes to Pencil skirts
When she lands from the Village in her grey (formerly black) rubber shoes and pleated skirt, nobody imagines that she can transform into a socialite. Within a year, they learn from observation or watching fashion series on TV.

What do you think?

Written by Kalema Lawrence

No one tells me what to write, so I will never tell you what to think.

Full-time entertainment blogger and seasoned Travel article writer. Reach me at +256 703 245760 and

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