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The Eight Categories of Kampala Girls

Do you plan to date a girl from the Capital of Uganda, Kampala or already hooked up one? You should learn that Kampala holds different categories of ladies. If your girlfriend, fiancée, ‘sponsee’ or future date doesn’t falls into any of these 8 categories, brother, you are with a wrong person probably of the same gender as you are! Check out where your significant other belongs to;

Village girl

This category holds women with a heavy village hangover, despite the number of years they have spent in the heart of the city. Girls here always wear long skirts, maxi dresses and prefers last night’s supper left overs a.k.a ‘cold power’ to bread for breakfast.

She cannot tell the difference between an omelette and chapati, but you still love her anyway. However, be careful as such a type can easily sleep with the neighbour, just because he makes her laugh!

Slay Queen

The most common in town as many believe. Such a girls is most likely a campus goer or college dropout with a fake accent. Typical hood girls, party animals. Very pretty but troublesome. Often empty-headed, extravagant and the god of gold diggers. She comes across as trashy and wears expensive outfits that you obviously did not buy. Sexy to her means exposing her fundamentals.

She is the type of woman your friends want a piece of. Bad news is her other name!! Every time she goes down on you, the gates of heaven are flung open. Even though its her in the mistake, you will have to say sorry to her. In two months living under the same roof, expect to get black patches on your knees for constant kneeling while pleading for matters you don’t have a clue about.

Try breaking up with her, she’ll send you a nude and the boiling rush of your blood will thrust you right back into her arms. Did I say nudes? Yes, never be surprised when you find out that all your friends have been keeping a copy of nudes too, ever since you started introducing them to her.

Miss Independent

Then there is Miss Independent, that girl with a good job, sound education and everything is working out for her. She does not want children because they will derail her career growth and expects you to understand. She is the type who does not need your money and dates you because it is what the society expects. She is a feminist and will remind you at every turn of her rights, even during the flimsiest of arguments. She only hangs out in expensive restaurants, drinks fine wine or aged whiskey, is eloquent and well-groomed.

However, she is not wifely and spent too many years of schooling that she forgot how to cook, cannot do basic house chores and only dates men of her class. She is awfully boring in bed, and you better be careful with her hair because it cost her a fortune at the salon.

Church girl

These mostly come from highly religious families forinstace her father is a pastor and mum a deaconess. She attends every prayer lunch hours and overnights and probably leads prayers and choir in church. She is fairly decent, a tad bit disciplined, but such a huge bore as you will never have an outing with her from a place that has no Alter! She always think people sin at parties.

Leaving that aside, the only time she has come close to intimacy is when she is dreaming and she won’t let you kiss her because that is sinful. However, the one time you corner and touch her where she has never been touched, her wall will come tumbling down like a house of cards. Promising!! right?

The desperate one

This one does not even know what she wants in life. You invite for a weekend to your house and she carries a suitcase, then refuses to leave. She would take a loan or drain her savings to buy you a Rolex or finance your extravagant lifestyle.

She is desperate for your attention and love, and would even feign pregnancy or deliberately get knocked up to trap you into marriage.

The Mother-girl

This type wants to settle down after a few weeks of dating and will always wan to lecture you on everything.

She has issues from the kind of friends you keep, your diet, how you use the toilet to how you squeeze the toothpaste tube, in just two months together with her, she literally changes into your mother.

Lastly we have the ‘sponsee’

This is the kind of a girl who sees no problem in dating men of more than three decades with her, as long as they are able to maintain her lifestyle as well as making her dreams come true. Her young succulent body helps suppress the ageing hormones.

Chances are that you are not the only sponsor and she has a younger boyfriend somewhere. Well, you have a wife too, so just take care of yourselves.

What do you think?

Written by Kalema Lawrence

No one tells me what to write, so I will never tell you what to think.

Full-time entertainment blogger and seasoned Travel article writer. Reach me at +256 703 245760 and

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