Kalema Lawrence
2017 wasn’t a year to miss by most average Ugandans financially and so this January of 2018. Putting food on the table has become an uphill task for many Ugandans more youths. Whether educated or not, you are most likely to encounter the same levels of financial blues.
Unemployment has pushed many into creative tactics to earn an extra coin. Forget the crooks who engage in illegal enterprises such as pick pocketing and con artists, there are strange jobs adopted by youth and some aged Kampalanians to feed themselves and families respectively. These will shock you!! that would shock you.
Taxi Fillers
Forget the rough and noisy conductors who get paid to holler at passengers who know where they are going. There are others that fill up unoccupied Taxis to create an impression the vehicle is full and just about to leave the stage.
Such are common on stages at Shoprite Kampala, City Square, Yamaha Centre among others.
According to one who prefered anonymity, he can mobilise up to Sh 15,000 a day and business starts booming around midday when there are hardly any commuters.
Sperm donors
Did you know this kind of business exist in Uganda? Some male young university students in Kampala have turned to sperm donation and so females on egg donation.
Some institutions around and outside Kampala now boasts of thriving sperm banks, where individuals aged between 21 and 35 secretly patronise to ‘donate’ the all-important seed, at a fee.
According to reliable sources, such istitutions get between 5 to 15 sperm donors a day and the most common method of extraction used is masturbation. The only requirement is good health.
Naked dancers
If you thought getting to ‘work’ naked is a preserve of Rakai and Mukono night runners, its high time you think again.
Most Kampala Surburbs and remote villages as well are now littered with young women who dance naked to make ends meet.
We are not talking about prostitutes but the one ‘Kimansulo’.
These pretty women are mostly found in night clubs dancing in their birthday suits. a one Miss babe says she can strip-dance at close to three clubs on a good night. She is paid around 20k per club as retain fee though she can make more by offering 10 minutes to 1 hour Lap dancing sessions to horny men at around 30k depending on the time.
“It’s just a job like any other. The way some people chose to be secretaries, nurses or gangsters, I chose dancing in my birthday suit”
Some even go an extra mile of offering more to their clients. Clients pay between 30K to 200K to wrestle with these young ladies between the sheets.
Professional mourners
These days you do not even need funeral services companies to have a heroic send-off for your dead kin, professional mourners in Kampla are always a call away. They charge around 50K per hour.
They offer deafening wails, repeated hysterical sobs and blow whistles, giving the funeral the heroic status. Like real mourners, female professional mourners behave as though they have been overcome by emotions and break into dirges, writhe on the ground as if in pain for the loss, cursing the devil and grim reaper.
Their male counter parts, on the other hand, run all over with twigs, wailing like lunatics, with others hang on overloaded vehicles as they shout and honk.
Mzungu Cuddlers
There are young men who get hired by aging female whites to not only satisfy their sexual needs, but to cuddle with them when they feel lonely.
These Bazungu ladies pay up to Sh 200K just to be cuddled for comfort and made feel wanted for an hour or so. Despite this job involving strangers in bed or on couches, it has a downside in that either party at times gets carried away emotionally, with one thing leading to another. And before you know it, you end up making love. Take a look at our own Aziz, 19, with the Swedish 65-years aged Monalisa.
House Sitters
Did you know you can a temporary house sitter in Kampala if you are planning to travel for a while? These are hired out not to cook, clean houses but just to laze around, eat, entertain themselves with music and TV and keep the house in ‘occupied mode’.
This is aimed at warding off ‘kifeesi fellas’ who target unoccupied homes or anyone with ill intentions, including neighbours.
