Kalema Lawrence
Uganda is a land where impossibilities are possible, reality is wrong and dreams are real. This might have been the motive for the invention of “Uganda Zaabu” trending slogan amongst Urban Ugandans. Take the “Late Ivan is not dead” and “Professor Mukiibi’s children” controversies, who knows where all this originated from??
Ugandans must be the most dishonest metropolis in the East African region and Africa at large though we can’t beat Nigerians in telling lies and boozing. It is in Uganda where you hear a mother abducting her own child to ask for ransom from the father whom they share a bed with.
Here are some of the top lies by Ugandans that you might have come across or could be fallen victim to:
1. Age lie
women and most celebrities (Footballers, singers & high profile political figures most particular the president and his cabinet eeeh sorry excuse my language i did not mean to go that far. okay let’s get to the bottom line of this: most women in uganda can hardly tell their real age especially when there are in a cozy situation with their male counter parts.
Uganda being the youngest country in the world ‘most population being youth’, Celebrities lie about their age inorder to fit in and appeal to the great population number of youths. Take an example of the kitone hitmaker who every year celebrates a 25th birth day yet her daughter is now clocking 13. For footballers, it is a strategy to be employed for a longtime in the world’s most exciting game since it calls for young and energetic persons.
2. “Taxi Etambulirawo”
This is the saying that qualifies one to be a stunning taxi conductor more so those offering town services. Believe me, no taxi will ever be empty or full to capacity when you are boarding. Give it to these conductors and taxi stage operators for the excellent marketing gimmicks.
They will call out to passengers to take the last two remaining seats inside, only to find six empty seats staring back at you. Worse still, the touts hire some dudes to masquerade as passengers.
3. Birthdays
The day one was brought on earth is one of the greatest events in his/her world life.
However, the future mothers of this nation comprehend this day as opportunity to generate goodies from their male counterparts. If you have any doubt, keep closer to a campuser ‘university girl’, in a year, you will celebrate an average of six birthdays as each targets different boyfriends and sugar daddies from which these poor lads will team up their best to impress the glamour girl, showering her expensive gifts including high end smart phones, SUVs, luis vitton and rolex watches to mention but a few.
it always perplexs the onlookers’ minds when a certain university girl posts pictures on social media every month captioning “my birthday celebration”. hehehe, Uganda is indeed zaabu
4. Highly paying marketing jobs, No experience needed
Are you a form-four or six leaver and you have an original Ugandan ID? Do you have marketing skills and can speak fluent English? Don’t worry about the experience. An international consortium is looking for young people for sales and marketing jobs. If you apply to such an advert, you will realise that money is earned the hardest way, when you are not ready to hawk household goods for a commission then you will get no job.
5. Marital status
it is a pity that the world is moving away from following the holy scriptures i.e the bible and Quran where by a person is highly recognised with being an eternal opposite sex partner. the lie about martial status mostly trends among married people most especially in the due course of committing the “highly acknowledged normal” social sin of adultery. In Uganda, no woman nor man can ever say he/she is married where he/she holds a conservation with a homosapien is attracted to. with this lie, it is why the rate of single parents is drastically increasing in Uganda.
6. Women physical body appearance
When you take two photo of most Kampala girls with and without wearing make up, you will realize the double identity of these women you in Clubs and happening places.
Many of you readers will believe me 100%. most women have turned to lie about their appearances, skin complexion, breast and bum implants by the renowned FACO are the order of the day among st Kampala girls. Those who are not well blessed and can’t afford FACO products but would like to appear in shape, resort to buying face body parts like fake bums and breast firmers from the very many beauty shops in Kampala.
7. Faded Artistes promising a major comeback
An already faded out artist more so musicians will never admit he/ she is already out dated in the industry. They all claim to have been focusing on ‘family and business’ but as well re-branding to fit in the current ‘state’, working on some projects that the public will realise soon.
8. “This is original, not Chinese”
Buying a legit electrical, household or any other item on Kampala streets is a real hustle. Be it day or night, always China town is officially open and welcomes all kinds of people be it the naive and no mores.
You will never tell a genuine Samsung LED screen or set top box from a fake one until you get to the house and the IMEI code/signal potelezeas.
9. Wealth
we all know in this world that wealth commands social respect, power and popularity. due to the fact that it is human nature to possess the latter attributes in the world, most ugandans try their level best to show off that their lives are on a smooth line and full of riches. it is literary a diss to say that someone is financially impaired in uganda. most ugandans be it normal people, celebrities and congressmen pretend to be rich yet in actual sense their financial muscles are as loose as a hanging tree branches. if you want to prove that check what most of your friend post on social media platforms like Facebook, twitter and whatsapp, it is always life in the first lane yet they are ghetto gladiators and perpetual substance farmers.
10. “I have read and agreed”
This is the most lies that software geniuses ever tell while installing products on computers and mobile phones ‘I have read and agreed to all the terms and conditions.’
This is also witnessed while signing up to online accounts or downloading files. Another online lie is ‘I confirm I am over 18,’ the favorite by teenagers/ underage while navigating through porn sites.
