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Want to grow fat? Enroll for these jobs

Badly in need of that Goliath like appearance? With these jobs, you will gain weight faster than a Ugandan minister denies involvement in corruption.

Traffic cops
What i see all they do the whole day is lifting one left arm to stop a prospective bribe giver. My friend try this, a potbelly on you will be spotted with in two weeks of working.

Vegetable & fruit seller
You will never find a sugarcane thin like lady selling vegetables in any local market as it is to meet a fat newspaper hawker. These ladies sell what the doctors recommend for a good health. The beauty of this job is that her work is also her lunch!

Member of Parliament
These lads are fat cats who earn over UGX 25M for making noise in the National Assembly, few of them go back to their constituency to share these chunks of money with the people they are mean to represent but rather just wait to be rewarded with potbellies. Little wonder why our neighbors in Kenya call M-Pigs!

Civil servant
Apply for a government job, you will never be slender again through out your working time I am yet to encounter a slender public servant, just like it’s hard to meet a fat hawker or newspaper vendor. All you will do is to leave your jacket in the office for the 10 o’clock nyama choma.

Slum restaurant owners
Four in every five women who run timber- built restaurants are overweight from the constant supply of carbohydrates, proteins and vitamins all day long. All they do is monitoring the cooks and put the food onto plates for the waiters to hawk it to the clients’ destination.

U.S.E Biology Teacher
Teaching in government aided schools entails less exercise, no moving from school to school for part time jobs. Take an example of a biology teacher who only has four lessons the whole day, each lasting 45 minutes. The rest of the day is spent drinking tea from the staffroom, where teachers indulge in reading everything in the day’s newspapers, especially the obituaries.

The butcher
These guys have a body that is directly proportional to the amount of meat they sell. They never miss drinking boiled bone soup daily besides inhaling the aroma of nyama choma from the wire mesh grill.

Be a landlord in Kampala
The monthly rent collected from tenants helps many a landlord in ‘building’ their bodies horizontally. Most landlords have potbellies from eating ka-fry while being driven around hiking rent at the drop of a hat!

Bouncers
This one is tricky as it doesn’t favor all. One needs to be tall, well-built, strong, dark-skinned as light skinned men are not eligible and mean looking to be a bouncer. To maintain this physique, bouncers frequent the gym and kitchen with the same frequency politicians attend funerals.

Uganda ‘Zaabu’, it’s where you find jobs where one gets in thin like a pencil but starts bulging in the fullness of time.

What do you think?

Written by Kalema Lawrence

No one tells me what to write, so I will never tell you what to think.

Full-time entertainment blogger and seasoned Travel article writer. Reach me at +256 703 245760 and kalemalawren@gmail.com

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